This short movie is how a girl wins the heart of a boy. A boy and a girl who rides the bicycle with training wheels appear on this movie. The girl who has a great future as a beautiful actress tries to attract the boy who has a great future as a great deal of personality.
He isn't interested in her at all, so she makes all possible efforts to attract him. Probably efforts which the boy makes to attract the girl makes me feel pleasant. But this movie shows the girl who has strong will makes pathetic efforts to attract the boy. This makes me feel pain.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFdbZHMBxfg
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Hi Mihoko..
ReplyDeleteHow are you? I am writing my comment about your film. I saw the movie after I read your review.
CONTENT
You describe the movie very well. It's easy for the reader to understand.
COHESIVENESS
I read your story and I think it's clear, good spelling and easy to follow.
GRAMMAR
The second sentence I would write like this, a boy and girl who ride bicycles... ( because there were two).
In the second paragraph you wrote five times the word makes and three times the word efforts. Maybe next time you should substitute makes and efforts with other words.
CONTENT
ReplyDeleteIt is short and fine.
COHESIVENESS
I don't understand the sentence " Probably efforts which the boy makes to attract.........
pleasant.". Did they make attraction each other?
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
Usually movie review is written with past tense. In the last sentence,should write "......feel painful." instead of "........feel pain.".