Koh is a five years old boy. He likes to play riding a paper box car which was made by his father. But every time he goes to the park to play with the paper box car, it is taken away from other kids. And it's always broken by the kids. Koh comes back home with sadness. He can't have a brave to say ,"no" to other kids. So he wants to be strong.
One day Koh rides the paper box car pushed by his father. "Wow I want to do more" "Okay, If you eat the broccoli, I will push it for you again" Koh doesn't like the broccoli . "No! I don't want to eat it" Whenever his mother makes his meal including the broccoli, he doesn't eat it. He always hides it by taking out from plate very cleverly. He pretends to eat all the broccoli, but his parents know that he doesn't eat them.
Next day Koh slept in his paper box car, around the car there were many animals which his parents bought for him in zoo. It looks like the paper box car in a forest. In his dream, first he met the bird which seemed to be able to fly high and everywhere. The birds suggested to eat the broccoli.Because its tip of flying high and everywhere is the broccoli. But Koh refused to eat it. Next he met the rabbit which seemed to be able to run very fast. The rabbit also suggested him to eat the broccoli. Because its tip of running fast is the broccoli. But Koh didn't eat it. Finally he met the bear which seemed to be very strong. The bear suggested him to eat the broccoli. Because its tip of strength is the broccoli . Then the bear gave him the broccoli.
Koh continued his trip. He met injured squirrels. They were injured by the cat .They asked him to help them. Then Koh gave the broccoli ,the bear gave him,to the squirrels to eat to be strong. But they refused to eat the broccoli because they didn't like them. So Koh suggested, "I don't like the broccoli either, but Let's eat it together and make an attack with the cat!" They ate it as hard as possible, and finally they became strong to beat the cat. Koh was thanked by the squirrels. Koh was very happy.
Suddenly Koh woke up from his sleep. " Mammy I want to eat the broccoli"
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ReplyDeleteCONTENT
ReplyDeleteThis is an amusing story clear to understand.
COHESIVENESS
Your story has a good connection and it’s easy to follow.
GRAMMAR
I think that your grammar it’s pretty good. The only thing I read and I think is wrong is that you wrote “the Broccoli” in the whole story. Maybe you should leave out “the” in some of these sentences.
Dear Mizuho,
ReplyDeleteI am a little surprised because I thought that you would acknowledge the email that I sent you on February 12. I don’t know if my explanation was clear (so you didn’t respond) or if you didn’t receive my email. Please send me an email
monkey4cec@gmail.com
or
please leave a message on my answering machine (roku ni roku) ni hachi go – nana nana roku rei
Thank you,
Dan